With the Angels

My great-grandma is now with the angels above. And as she is laid to rest today, I feel the need to share this story. I've only shared it with one other person so far.

Driving to church this past Sunday morning, we drove by a sign on the side of the highway that read Jesus is coming soon. I didn't want to jinx mine or my guy's flight home that day, so I said nothing about it. It really did pull at my heart once I found out my great grandmother has passed. Jesus really did come soon-less than an hour later to be exact. I am blessed to have seen her over Christmas break, gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and told her I loved her.

There are so many meaningful moments in our everyday life. There are so many precious people on our lives, as well, that we may take for granted, or not realize how important we are to them or how important they are to us. Always strive to be the BEST you, and you will shine.

Rest with the angels Momma-Neen. You are dearly loved and missed.

It's time to begin isn't it

Put all your stress aside, your mind at ease, and your heart centered. Are you happy with where you're at? So many may say yes, but so many may say no, and there will be many that will think not as happy as I could be. That's what I woke up thinking one morning after reading The Happiness Project, and that's what got me blogging.

If you are in your mid-20s, folks, this is PRIME TIME in your life. Time to find yourself, what you like and don't like, what you enjoy and don't enjoy, time to ponder and really take control of where your life is going. Now, anyone who is older and younger, it's never too late or too soon. But I'm sure many who are older will agree: Your 20s are YOURS. Whatever you make of your 20s will define the rest of your life. (I'm sure this goes for many other seasons in life, as well.) This, also, is a GREAT time to work AS HARD as you can. Next thing you know, you're married, busy, having children, and have NO time to yourself. That's why I am choosing to really cherish these years. They aren't easy, as I've written before. Nothing can prepare you for post-college. Not even college can prepare for post-college life. Sorry folks. I don't think anyone expects to work a 9-5 the rest of their life, and settle into the first job they get. I don't think anyone likes the reality of your income going towards college bills, car payments, keeping your health good, and so on. I have recently been told Instead of wishing it were easier, make yourself better. I don't exactly wish it were easier. I wish the world went round' differently, and starving kids could eat, and every married couple would be happy, and homeless people had a home, and murderers didn't exist, and that everyone is safe in their own home, and President's wouldn't lie. I wish a lot of things, but I seldom wish it were easier. Sometimes I wish I were in someone else's shoes, someone who DOES have it easier. But at the same time, I am truly blessed, and I'm happy to be where I'm at.

My mind always wanders off to "what if" or "what I would have done if I would have known then what I know now". Honestly, I probably wouldn't be residing in a northern state, I'd be closer to my family, I wouldn't date in high school or college, I may not have gone to a private college, I might have not trusted the wrong people and trusted the right people, I would have stayed involved in church more, and so on. The list goes on and on. But I truly am blessed. I can't say it enough. I am blessed. I'm alive and well, I feel safe, have a great relationship, have wonderful friends, and I get to visit my family more often than I ever thought I'd be able. And those are things to be thankful for. Yes, I have changed a lot in the last year. Heck, the last five years. Don't be too quick to judge, though. Because I am still Carissa.

"It's time to begin, isn't it?
I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit
I'm just the same as I was
Now don't you understand
That I'm never changing who I am"
-Imagine Dragons

Start every day brand new, and remember, you are still YOU.

Reflecting Mood

Can't believe January is almost over. It has flown by. I just got back from two weekends of adventures. One weekend skiing, and the other weekend visiting fam. What a great few days off with friends and family. I don't feel any different, having had focused on myself this month. I do see change, though. Looking back a year ago, I am a totally different person. I'm more content and confident. I worry less about what others think and more about what I think. One quote really stuck out to me tonight. I'm sure you've read it before, but I really needed it.

"It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that the people you've known forever don't see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on."

This has rung true in my life throughout the last few months, and it really has changed me. Not in a bad way, though. In a positive, growing up kind of way. I'm happy to be where I am, to come from what I've come from, and to have the people I have in my life now: those who love and care for me genuinely, who accept me as I am and build me up, who have made such an impact in my life that I can't live without them, who always encourage and never discourage, who are honest, loyal, and trustworthy. If you are someone in my life today, thank you for everything you are. 

My great grandmother passed this morning. Heaven was callin' her name and off she went. She was a strong woman. Her heart was stronger than any doctor would have guessed. She always had a story to share, and let me tell you, she spoke her mind. I hope to be at least half the woman she was. I am proud to be her great granddaughter, and I hope I make her proud one day. My family has many angels up there watching over us, and now we have one more. 

Needless to say, cherish EVERY moment. You never know when it could be your time-or someone you love. 

Definitely in a reflecting mood tonight, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. Have a great week folks! And hold those close to you a little tighter than before. 

Act How You Want to Feel

So January. Wow, what a month so far. I've been sick, found out I'll be having to change roommates, and I feel like there's always something to do, never a minute to spare. I have been working this month on myself. Yes, me, myself, and I. And so far, I feel I'm doing a so-so job. I've made some changes, but still have a few inner things to work out. I finally joined a gym again! This is a big deal for me! No more at home workouts or a less than use-able apartment workout center to cling to. I am finally a part of a gym again, and I'm pumped about it! Adding a gym back into my life has brought great joy...and a ton of motivation. SO stoked! Also, I planned a few trips I'll be taking this month. Usually I would save my bucks and skip out on a few weekend get-aways, but not this year! I'm heading on a ski trip this weekend with friends and another family trip next weekend! I'm finally going to a volunteer meeting to get the scoop on volunteering at a local charity. And I'm scheduling out my time better. I don't have a whole lot of pick-me-up insight today when it comes to loving yourself, but I do have some advice. Do something YOU love: plan a trip, catch a movie, check out the latest display at a museum. Whatever it is, do something you love. Take care of yourself. I am one to tell you, I'd rather go to work than stay home sick. But if getting better means staying at home, STAY AT HOME! Now for the inner details I am trying to work out: I'm a very happy girl, driven, excited about life, takes chances kind of girl. I am petrified of knives and creepy crawling bugs (and much more). I do get jealous (you're a liar if you say you don't), even bitter sometimes. I will stand up for myself if you confront me, but if I don't have anything to say to you, I won't. I love my family and my friends. I value every relationship in my life, enough to keep you close because together we are something good or push you away if it's for the better. There are some people in my life that I need to work harder at getting along with. I love learning, and I love sharing my story. Throughout college, I have learned that you cannot trust everyone. Maybe I learned this a little late, but there is definitely a scar on my heart, and I am much more guarded than I was growing up. I really dress how I want. I don't care if you don't like me. I probably like you, though. I could write a book of everything I know about myself. Heck, people like to talk about themselves-it's a fact. I do want to tackle some of the personal negatives in my life such as jealousy and bitterness. I don't come off as probably any of these, but I do lock these emotions deep down and try to keep them there. However, I think this is a perfect time to release whatever it is I'm holding onto, and really see what I'm made of. I'm sure I will learn much more these next few months and even this year! And I will try to share as much as possible throughout my journey. In the mean time, time to get some rest for a long day of work tomorrow. Act how you want to feel. 

You'll Make It

So far, this month has been super busy. This is very odd, in my opinion, seeing as though I had the whole first week of January off of work. Some days, like today, I feel like I have little time to myself, even though the free time I have is spent with myself getting what needs to be done, done. Here's a tip I've learned from this past year: You will get more done on your work days than your vacation days!

You're probably thinking Wow, that makes no sense. Indeed it does. I am more stressed on the days leading up to vacation than the regular work week. On the days leading up to vacation, I am eager for vacation to arrive! I am constantly thinking relaxation is right around the corner. Then, vacation comes, and as relaxing as it is, I get nothing of priority done. This is because I believe I owe it to myself to not use vacation days for stress or priorities. Maybe I'm on the right track or maybe I'm on the wrong. Either way, when it comes to getting stuff done in my life, it usually happens on a work day, after a long day at work. I think I'm just more in the zone on work days than on my days off. I'm hoping to start up a new project soon having to do with vacationing so keep your eyes and ears open! (EXCITED!)

I really have taken the last few weeks to reflect back on where I was a year ago. Jobless, frustrated, searching for myself. Graduating college is a HUGE accomplishment. Becoming an adult feels like an even bigger accomplishment or adjustment. So much will change, so much HAS changed! I have found when I was in-between jobs, realizing how this adult thing goes, I would quite frequently feel like I had to change something to spice up my life. I died my hair twice in the same year (not normal), got a new piercing, and became persistent on getting my tatoo as soon as possible (still have yet to get it). I changed up my workout routine dozens of times-you name it, I've tried it. I started diets, quit diets, tried different jobs, quit different jobs. Up, down, up, down. That pretty much describes my life a year ago. Keep in mind most of this was the result of my family moving out of state. Those of you who live near or with your families, cherish those moments because one day you will move out, and you will miss it. Family gives you purpose and a sense of belonging. After a long work week, that's a good feeling. And getting used to coming home from work on a Thursday or Friday and looking at that wine bottle on your kitchen counter with a movie in mind will never compare to coming home to your family-to people you know, love, and cherish. So enjoy these days to the fullest. Reality is coming.

If you're where I was a year ago, hold fast. Better days are ahead. I can't promise there won't be storms, but you'll make it. Just like you said you would on graduation day.

Stay on your game folks!

"Do not accept criticism in your life as a reason to keep you down. That would be like my father quitting preaching because someone disapproves of him or Michael Jordan quitting basketball when he didn't make the team. Stay on your game folks!" 

So true. I recently read something sent to my father that was just plain cruel, and it made me think, what if he listened? What if he listened to criticism and harsh words? I have learned that my father does not react to cruelty. He may take generous consideration, but he will not stop doing what he loves or standing up for what he thinks is right. I used to be a people-pleaser which is someone who makes sure everyone else is happier but their own self. I never wanted to cause trouble or be the center of a problem. And in some ways I'm still like that. But in more ways, I'm becoming an individual. I have opinions, I have thoughts, and most importantly I have reason. I am learning what is healthy and what is not. The poison in my life may be the best thing in your life. Everyone is different and everyone needs a different formula. I am someone who needs grounded people in my life, or at least as many grounded people possible. My guy happens to be very grounded, something I find hard to be. There are many reasons for this such as moving around as a child, learning to adapt to new things, nothing ever staying the same, having all eyes on me at all times as a preacher's kid, high expectations-all of these circumstances make up my eventful, fast-paced life. The formula to keeping my head on straight and having the fullest and healthiest lifestyle possible is probably different than yours. I've seen friends and family who've had divorced families, sibling issues, addictions, whatever the case may be, and they need a different formula to keep their life on track. They may need a certain kind of partner in their life to stay balanced or they may need to be working on a project at all times or they may need to stay away from certain places that promote their addiction. So before you judge anyone, or try to figure out the who, what, when, where, how, and why in their lives, take a step back and recognize that their picture is different than yours. Every individual has different demons, different angels, and a different formula. Remember that next time before passing a judgment. Take any criticism given to you, have grace, and have the courage to keep going.

Side note: I found a lot of success today. I spent the day with myself, getting priorities done, and I didn't drive myself crazy. I tried my best to enjoy the precious time I had with myself that I don't get as often as I should. Score. 

My Happiness Project 2013

I am SO excited for this. Yes, I am doing my very own happiness project throughout the year of 2013. As Gretchen Rubin says, her happiness project will look very different from anyone else's. After all, we are all so unique. We all have different ideas, struggles, goals, and beliefs. I, just like Rubin, have a pretty good life. I'm happy, but I know I can be happier. And I want to be a happier ME! I want to find true happiness. And I think by seeking out happiness, I am opening up a door to an experience that can only teach me, not harm me. So here it is, the layout, everything. I'm excited to take you on this journey with me! And I'm so glad to have even found inspiration to go on this trip. (Thank you Gretchen Rubin and The Happiness Project book.)

Here is the overview of each monthly focus:

January: Me, myself, and I

February: Relationships

March: Career

April: My faith/beliefs, God

May: Friendship

June: Family

July: Me, myself, and I

August: Relationships

September: Career

October: My faith/beliefs, God

November: Friendship

December: Family

Now you may be thinking Why do you have repeating focuses? Good question. I've even discussed this with my mother. Basically, I want to do each focus twice to see the growth throughout the year. Rubin did a different one every month, in hopes to carry over all that she has learned each month, into the next month. For my project, when the second time around comes, I hope to build on top of that, and see how much I have grown in that specific area. 

• Me, myself, and I: What a category. I think we lose sight of why we love ourselves so easily. Our most important relationship is our relationship with ourselves, so I've been told. If we are too hard on ourselves, most likely we struggle with that in other areas. If we look in the mirror and constantly critique ourselves, that will show somewhere in our lives. I have been told over and over Fall in love with yourself. Sounds easy, but we all know it's most definitely not. I want to love myself, see myself the way I want others to view me as. I need to learn to stop beating myself up over anything and everything. Also, I want to get back into a workout routine that is effective, so I can be physically happy with myself. Being happy with yourself, at all times, is a dream for women, that only few can achieve. I need this time for ME to become a better ME before I start working on other important aspects of my life. 

• Relationships: I am currently in a loving relationship, and I want to really focus in on what I can be doing better or what role I play in my relationship. This focus couldn't come at a better time, seeing as though it is Valentines Day this month, and our anniversary happens to be on that day. 

• Career: Obviously, my career is very important in my life. A majority of the day is spent working. I want to really dig into my career, find what I can be doing better, etc. I'm really excited to see how important my career is in my life and what affect it has on me. 

• My faith/beliefs, God: I have been raised in a Christian home, and I want to dig deeper into my faith. Since college, I still go to church, but I don't dig into my beliefs like I did as a child. God and prayer are already very important in my life, but keeping a relationship with what I believe in needs to be important, too. 

• Friendship: I have learned so much about friends in 2012. I am either speechless or full of words on this subject. All my life, friends have been a huge part. I want to spend my friendship months really getting into my friendships, digging deeper into who is a friend and who really stands beside me. Be kind to everyone, especially your enemies. 

• Family: Family, above all else, is so special in my life. They will always be my family no matter what. I want my relationships with my family to grow as I grow older. I made sure the family focus lies in December because my family lives far away, and December is usually when I spend the most time with my family members (Christmas, holidays).

My Declaration of Independence to my Happiness Project 2013

20 Do's, 13 Don'ts

1. Be kind to everyone.

2. Eat well.

3. Stay on focus.

4. Try something new.

5. Love myself the way I love others.

6. Save money.

7. Be thankful at all times for what I have. 

8. Live in the NOW.

9. Be creative/spontaneous.

10. Stay healthy physically, mentally, and emotionally.

11. Be honest.

12. Be the best ME that I know how to be. AKA-BE MYSELF!

13. Think before I speak, react, and buy.

14. Accept every person on my journey as a teacher.

15. Love more, with nothing in return.

16. Pray.

17. Be giving.

18. Believe I have a purpose in my everyday life.

19. Treat others as I would want to be treated.

20. Find true happiness/my own happiness.

1. Do not believe that this journey is all about me.

2. Do not set limits.

3. Do not set expectations.

4. Do not quit.

5. Do not let anyone else decide for me what path I take, my future, or my attitude.

6. Do not judge others.

7. Do not be selfish.

8. Do not be afraid.

9. Do not hold grudges.

10. Do not ignore how I feel. 

11. Do not be negative.

12. Do not worry.

13. Do not hold back from my full potential.

2013, I am ready for you! The ups, the downs, the great, the bad, the special moments, and the changing moments. Here I go! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

http://www.empowernetwork.com/mymid20scrisis/